Zapf: bishoujo trainer
by Zapf
Summary: *Chapter two is up!!!* finally, the next chapet in the not so everlasting journey of Zapf, bishoujo tainer, is up!! yatta!
1. Chapter 1: Zapf’s Journey… well at least...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are in this fan fiction other than the ones that I made up so if you try to use any of my characters without my permission, I will bash your head into your torso so far you will have to drop your pants to say hello…   
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*WARNING* this will become a lemon… but it isn't now…  
  
Note: |…| means thought  
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Zapf: Hello and welcome to the first ever Bishoujo fan fiction starring Zapf the greatest Bishoujo trainer in the known universe!!! *gives trademark thumbs up thingy*  
Haruko: what are you doing?  
Zapf: Just doing the intro to my first fan fic   
Haruko: no that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the thumb thing.  
Zapf: oh, that, that's my trademark thumbs up thingy.  
Haruko: when did you get it trademarked?  
Zapf: never mind that…on with the fic!!  
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Episode 1: Zapf's Journey… well at least the beginning  
  
Zapf walked down the street kicking some rocks into the forest on either side of the dirt path. He really didn't want to run out early in the morning without his parent's permission. (Zapf isn't really a morning person) "I left a note though" Zapf thought as he kicked another rock.  
  
He thought back to the day he decided to become a Bishoujo trainer. It was about a year ago. It was a little over a month before his birthday. He had seen a documentary about bishoujo training. "I've made up my mind, I becoming a bishoujo trainer!" Zapf announced to his parents.  
  
"Absolutely not!!" his parents said simultaneously. "It's way too dangerous" his mother said. "And we just don't like it" his father added. "We didn't like it when your brother just ran off either." His mother commented "So we don't want to hear another word about it" Zapf sulked off to his room.  
  
When his birthday came around his uncle gave Zapf a Bishoujo-dex watch. It works like a regular bishou-dex but can be worn like. His parents got angry at Zapf's uncle for giving him hope for something that would never happen. But to Zapf it was like signing a contract. He promised himself then that he would leave to become a bishoujo trainer within the year. So he secretly bought some Bishou-balls, saved money and put it all, including the bishou-dex in a compartment under a loose floorboard in his room. All year he planned his escape until finally, one day, he got up really early, gathered up supplies, (including tons of okonomyaki) left a note for his parents to see and left via the forest road.  
  
Zapf looked up at the sky, and then, at his watch. "Time for lunch…" As he pulled the bunch of okonomyaki boxes that he packed that morning he remembered the conversation he had with his best friend Krissy Maxwell, the other day...  
  
He had been trying to call her for more than an hour, but he didn't care, he was used to it, and anyways he liked to get angry at her for it. Finally he got through to her.  
  
"Moshi, Moshi" the familiar genki voice came from the other end of the phone. "  
  
"Krissy Maxwell, I've been calling you for an hour already. Where have you been?!?" even though he was slightly angry, he was still smiling. They had been friends since they were children growing up together.   
  
"Hey Zapf!" she sounded more genki than usual today. Zapf remembered that she was planning on becoming a Bishonen trainer today. "I'm sorry, I was in the shower and I guess I didn't hear my phone ring"  
  
"That's okay, so today's the day you become a bishonen trainer, huh?"  
  
"Yup! I'm so exited!" Zapf heard noises in the background. "Ah here it is" Krissy wasn't speaking into the phone at this point and Zapf was pretty sure she was doing something else.   
  
"What are you doing?" Zapf asked already knowing the answer.  
  
"What… you think I'm gonna go out there without the proper trainers outfit?" she answered as if Zapf should know this.   
  
| Of course, clothes… there are only three things on her mind ever, clothes, food, and bishonen. | "Nevermind" Zapf really didn't feel like talking about that anyways. He called her for a reason other than just to chat. "Hey Krissy? I gotta ask you a question."  
  
"Hai" she answered "Now which shorts should I wear?" Zapf knew he was already losing her attention.  
  
"Krissy…" Zapf knew this was going to happen. She never really pays attention to him, but she was a good friend, and it wasn't her fault, anyways.  
  
"Maybe I should wear the purple ones; they match perfectly… now where did I put those darn boots? ... nope not there"  
  
Zapf was really starting to get annoyed. He really wanted to talk to her. "KRISSY! Would you listen to me?"  
  
"Hold on Zapf" she still wasn't listening that attentively. Zapf heard the phone drop. "Found them."  
  
Zapf was about to hang up when she picked up the phone and said "sorry about that… what were you saying?"  
  
| Finally | "Krissy, my folks wont let me become a bishoujo trainer, I dunno… something about it being too dangerous or whatever. But I gotta do this, Krissy." He paused for a second. "I thought about it and I think I'm going to sneak out without my parents knowing. Am I crazy?"   
  
Zapf was expecting a 'Yes, that's what I've been telling you for years.' But instead he got a "No Zapf. It's your life; you should be able to do what you want."  
  
"I know! So that's the plan… I just hope I'm gonna have enough okonomyaki" he told her.   
  
"Zapf…no baka." Krissy giggled.  
  
That's why they were friends; they could joke around so casually. "Yeah. Well, I better start packing. Take care of yourself, Krissy."  
  
"Hai. The same goes for you, ok?"  
  
"Yup. Ok…Well, goodbye."  
  
"Bye Zapf." He hung up smiling  
  
Zapf thought back to what she said. 'You should be able to do what you want' | She's right | Zapf thought. | There's no reason why I shouldn't be a bishoujo trainer, I mean… it's not like it's really dangerous like my parents said…|  
  
All of a sudden he heard a noise down the path. He spun to see what it was, but all he could see was a cloud of dust heading straight for him at an alarmingly increasing speed. He tried with all of his might to see what it was that was going that fast.  
  
A few seconds later, he saw that the dust cloud was, in fact, a woman on a yellow Vespa. She had fire orange short-cut hair under a dark red baseball cap. She also had an electric guitar strapped over her back. As she got closer, she reached behind her and pulled a ripcord, apparently attached to the guitar. She then proceeded to grab the guitar by the neck and raise it over her head like an axe.   
  
Zapf felt like a deer in headlights, he was scared out of his mind, but he couldn't move, he just stared at her. As the moped got even closer, the front wheel started to slip. The red head girl tried to regain control, but she only made it worse. The yellow vespa, swerving back and forth, still heading down the path towards Zapf at an incredible speed. That's when Zapf realized that he had to move. He turned around to see a very large tree blocking his way, and then everything went black.  
  
[Intermission: Haruko drives across path, hits Zapf and drives on smiling]  
  
When Zapf came to, the first thing he noticed was that he heard maniacal laughter. After he took his head out of the tree, he looked over to see the red haired girl rolling on the ground laughing, saying something about killing him in a ta-kun manner.   
  
Zapf then realized that this wasn't just some crazy girl, but rather a bishoujo. He rolled down his sleeve and pointed his bishou-dex watch at her.   
  
It responded "Haruko Haruhara: suspected alien bishoujo. Drives around on a yellow Vespa moped, tends to lose control of it and hit people."  
  
| I've heard of her! I heard she's very rare! I can't believe that I have a chance to catch her this early on. I mean, it's only my first day as a bishoujo trainer. I, uh… guess I can catch her now, right? | He reached into his pocket and spun around in a cool sequence with awesome backgrounds and great music. He got into position and threw… nothing.   
  
Zapf facefell. "I can't believe I left my bishie balls at home!! Even if I miss the chance to catch her I need to get some" Zapf thought for a second about taking the moped, but supposed it was probably broken, so he walked down the path towards the nearest town which was a good mile and a half away. "I'm kinda pissed that I couldn't catch her, she's really cool, and that moped could really come in handy. Awwww…. I really liked her even if she _did_ hit me and almost kill me, I mean… she was really cute…."   
  
Zapf continued to mope about her until he got to the town, where he stopped for dinner at the local akabeco, and then he headed for the general store (as he walked in someone walked out muttering something like 'Ranma, I'll get you…')  
  
Zapf walked down one of the aisles of the store, and picked up a handful of bishou-balls. When he got to the front of the store, he saw the object of his dreams, perfect sunglasses. They were perfectly rounded, perfectly tinted, and just overall really awesome.  
  
Zapf walked up to the front desk with a gaped mouth.  
  
"What do you want, kid?" the man behind the counter asked him.  
  
Zapf merely stood there, openmouthed, staring at the sunglasses. "It's the sunglasses again, right? It's always the sunglasses with you young trainers." Zapf nodded "okay" the shopkeeper took a small case from underneath the desk and handed it to Zapf. "That'll be 29.99"   
  
Zapf took the case, took out some crumpled bills out his pocket, and started to walk out.   
  
"Umm… sir" the shopkeeper said as Zapf was about as Zapf was about to leave, "what about those bishoujo balls?" Zapf sweatdropped, walked back to the counter, gave the man some more money and walked out.   
  
After a quick stop at to replenish his okonomyaki reserves, he started back to where he left the laughing bishoujo. He really didn't think that she would still be there, but he went anyways. | Maybe she left the moped… that would be useful   
  
+=+=+=LATER=+=+=+  
  
When he got closer to the site of the crash, he began to hear a vaguely familiar noise. As he got closer, he saw its source. As he guessed, Haruko was still rolling on the ground laughing her head off.  
  
"I can't believe that she is still here! I have to have been gone for at least a half an hour! How could she find my pain and suffering so god damn funny?!?" Zapf shrugged and walked towards her. She was completely oblivious to the fact that Zapf was leering over her. He reached his shopping bag (which was bright blue with a dog on it that said "DOMO!!") and pulled out a bishoujo ball. He then spun around in a cool sequence with awesome backgrounds and cool music. When he was done with that, he threw the bishou-ball at Haruko. She rolled over at that moment and the bishou-ball fell on the ground and became useless.  
  
He couldn't get to stay still, so he eventually took the first thing he could find and hit her on the head with it. He looked at what was in his hands - an empty okonomyaki box. He looked at Haruko, she was out cold. He felt that when he knocked her out it took all the fun out of catching bishoujo, so he dropped a bishou-ball on her head, it flashed and she disappeared in a white blur.  
  
"Well… that was kind of anti-climactic… but anyways…. I caught my first Bishoujo!!!" Zapf gave his trademark thumbs up thingy.   
  
Zapf threw his very first filled bishoujo ball on the ground and Haruko popped out. She was wearing a very tight nurse's uniform, and was leaning on her moped in a very seductive way.  
  
"Where did you get that uniform?" Zapf asked with his mouth gaped open.  
  
"Never mind that... What are we gonna do now?"  
  
"Well… we should probably find a place to sleep. There's probably a hotel in that town down the street.  
  
"Just hop onto the Vespa, we'll get there faster.  
  
They both jumped onto the moped and drove off into the sunset….. "Um…. Zapf… could you keep your hands to yourself... onegai?"  
  
"Uh…Hai, Hai"  
  
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Haruko: so you finally caught you're first bishoujo…  
Zapf: what do you mean finally? I caught you on the first day!!  
Haruko: meh… I still think you could have done better that that… I mean that was pathetic.  
Zapf: Haruko… can you please be nice to me for once?  
Haruko thinks for a minute, smiles and shakes her head.   
Zapf: baka  
  
Note: Vespa is a trademark (not like my trademark thumbs up thingy) of Vespa Co. 


	2. Chapter 2: lost in...?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are in this fan fiction other than the ones that I made up so if you try to use any of my characters without my permission, I will bash your head into your torso so far you will have to drop your pants to say hello… (Yes I know I said this already, but the threat still stands  
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*WARNING* this will become a lemon… but not just yet  
Note: |…| means thought  
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Zapf: I really can't think of anything to say here, so I'm just going to start the fic…  
Haruko: that's it? You're just going to start the fic, no humorous witticisms?  
Zapf: why? Do you think you can make up something funny?  
Haruko: yes I think I can *she pulls out her guitar and bashes him over the head with it, rendering unconscious* um… *she nudges the prone Zapf with her foot* I guess the intro is up to me!! Um … I can't really think of anything, so, I guess we'll just start whenever this lunkhead comes to…  
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Episode 2: Lost In… Well, if we knew where we were lost in,   
we wouldn't be lost would we?  
  
  
"Haruko!! I think we passed the town already! Slow down!" The yellow Vespa sped down the dirt road. Zapf was yelling at Haruko to slow down as he was holding on for dear life. "Haruko!! Onegai!!" but it was useless, he couldn't get her attention. He reached forward to tap her on the shoulder, but all of a sudden she sped up and his hand slipped.  
In an attempt to stay alive, he grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on, which just happened to be the satchel on the side of the seat. As he climbed back onto the seat, his hand hit upon something in the bag.   
As he got into the seat behind Haruko and had enough balance, he reached into the bag to see what it was that he hit with his hand. All he could see was a large metal something and a coil of rope attached to it. He had images in his head of taking the metal thing out and bashing Haruko over the head with it. But then he had images of Haruko passing out and the moped going out of control, and both of them hitting a tree or going off a cliff or something like that. He picked up the metal thing and looked at it  
"What is she doing with an anchor in her saddlebag?" Zapf thought it better that he didn't think too hard about it. He then thought what he could do with the anchor, and how he could use it to stop the damn moped and what an anchor is used for... and then he realized what he must do.  
He wrapped one end of the rope around his hand and took the anchor and threw it over his shoulder. Haruko turned around as the anchor was flying in the air behind Zapf and said "Nani? Stop? Hai, Hai!!" Haruko Pulled sharply on the brakes, ad Zapf, not paying attention and not realizing that she had stopped short, flew forward, in front ode the moped. After he flew for a few seconds, he hit a brick wall. Because of the fact that the rope attached to the anchor was still tied to his hand, the anchor flew forward towards Zapf until it hit him square in the head.  
Zapf woke up with a splitting headache and the revving of the moped motor wasn't helping. He looked up to see Haruko standing upside down. "Nani? why are you upside down?" Haruko turned her head. "That's better, arigato Haruko." Haruko helped him up and sat him up against a tree.  
"Where does it hurt?"  
"Everywhere"  
Haruko gave him a look and Zapf smiled weakly.  
"Here, here, and here" Zapf pointed to his leg, his stomach and his head. Haruko walked over to the moped and pulled a small box out of the saddlebag. When she brought it back to the tree she opened it and pulled out a cotton ball and used it to gingerly clean the cut on Zapf's forehead.   
| She's so confusing, one second she looks like she's going to kill me, and the next second she is taking care of me and being so gentle|  
"Is that better?" Zapf hadn't realized that she had cleaned and dressed both his head and arm, she was so gentle.   
"Uh huh" Zapf said meekly.  
"Where else does it hurt?"  
Zapf Hesitated and replied, "my leg." Haruko grabbed another cotton ball and started to clean a cut on the inside of his thigh. She touched his leg so sensually, that he couldn't help getting a hard-on as much as he didn't want to give the wrong signals. Even so, she kept on cleaning and dressing his cut as if she hadn't noticed anything.   
"All done." She said and stood up. Zapf also stood up with a little wince of pain. Haruko looked around, "um… so where are we?" Zapf looked around to see nothing he recognized.   
"Do you think that we're close to town?"  
"Er… I think we overshot the town by a little bit." Zapf held up his fingers to emphasize the word 'little'.   
"So where are we then?"  
Zapf turned around to look at the building with the Zapf shaped mark on it. "Why don't we just go in here and ask them for directions?" Haruko asked Zapf who was already heading towards the building. As they turned around the corner, they saw a sign that said 'okonomyaki sale!'   
Zapf's eyes got wide and he started to walk faster and faster until he was running. When he got in he ran directly to the counter. Haruko ran in behind him huffing and puffing "I'll take 15 boxes of Okonomyaki, Onegai?" The clerk walked off to the back to start on Zapf's order.  
Haruko tied to catch her breath "What…. About… the… directions?"  
"Oh crap!!" Haruko sweatdropped. The attendant came back. Zapf turned to him "um…. Sir?"  
"Only one order per person! You must go to the back of the line!"  
"But I don't want to.-"  
"No, no more orders, go away!!"  
Zapf sulked away to a table with Haruko following him, scowling. "Why is it that you forget everything else when you have the chance to buy okonomyaki?"  
Zapf shrugged  
"Where'd you get the money all of it anyways?"  
"Money? I don't have any money."  
Haruko facefell.  
"I'll just tell them to put it on my tab."  
Haruko muttered "baka"  
"What did you just say?"  
"I didn't say anything."  
"Yes you did, you called me a bake."  
"No I didn't."  
"Yes you did."  
Haruko pulled out her guitar, pulled the ripcord, and bashed Zapf over the head with it.   
"Ow. What did you do that for?" Zapf asked rubbing a large lump on his head.  
"Because I'm right and you're wrong, okay?"  
"Okay," Zapf said meekly.  
"And anyways, the food's here."  
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After they had their fill and Zapf replenished his reserves, they hightailed their way out of the restaurant, avoiding all of the staff there. They sat down on a park bench to catch their breath. Haruko turned to Zapf "so now how do we get our directions?"  
"Why don't we just ask someone on the street? I'm sure people will help us." Zapf stood up and approached the first person he saw on the street. "Um… sir? Can you tell us how to get to –"  
"Get lost kid."  
Zapf walked up to someone else. "Can you help us we don't know where–"  
"Fuck off."  
"I dunno"  
"Zakenayo!"  
"I can't tell you, they're watching me."  
Zapf sat down next to Haruko again and sighed. "I guess it's pointless, huh?" Haruko rolled her eyes. "So what do we do now?"  
"I really don't know." Haruko sighed after a long pause of silence.   
Zapf muttered under his breath, "I wonder what Krissy is doing now?"  
"Huh? Whadja say? What's a Krissy?"  
"Oh… nothing… I was just wondering what my friend Krissy is doing now. Here…" Zapf pulled out his wallet to show Haruko a picture of a small elfin girl with pink and purple hair sitting cross-legged on a green field with Zapf standing behind her, lifting up her pointy ears and grinning from ear to ear.   
"That's cute"  
"We've been friends since we were little. She went off to become a bishonen trainer. She's really cool, and I was just wondering what she is doing right now."  
"And I wonder where she is, I want to meet her, she sounds awesome… do you know her number? Maybe we can call her."  
Zapf sweatdropped, "um… I don't actually know her number per se."  
Haruko facefell. "What about her address?"  
"No, but I have a good idea." Zapf reached into his bag to pull out an envelope and a pad of paper. He took a pen from another pocket in his bag. He put the pad on his knee and started to write…  
  
"Dear Krissy,   
I hope you're having fun as a bishonen trainer. I know I am as a bishoujo trainer! I caught my first bishie on my first day out! How cool is that? Her name is Haruko, and she's got a yellow Vespa moped wich is really awesome. She kinda gets on my nerves sometimes. How many bishonen do you have? Please tell me how you're doing, ad maybe we can do something sometime soon  
-Zapf  
PS Haruko thinks you're cool and wants to meet you."  
  
When he was done he folded the letter into thirds and placed it inside the envelope. After he sealed the envelope, he started to write on it,   
  
"Krissy Maxwell  
Bishonen Trainer  
Somewhere"  
  
Haruko looked over his shoulder at the address on the envelope, and bashed him over the head with her guitar.  
"What was that for?"  
"You can't just put that as the address and expect it to get to her!"  
"A guy can dream, can't he?" just then a postal worker walked down the street. Zapf jumped off the bench and bounded towards the postal worker. "hicanyouhelpmei'mtryingtogetthistomyfriendbutIdon'tknowtheaddress-"  
"Whoa, kid, slow down, let me see it" he took the letter that Zapf was holding out to him. "Hmmmmmm…. I'll do it for you, kid.  
Zapf had tears in his eyes. "you will?" oh thankyouthankyouthankyou!!"  
Haruko walked up to him as Zapf was thanking him "um…. Sir, do you know how to get to the nearest town?"  
  
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After she got detailed directions, she brought Zapf to the Vespa and went off towards the town.  
"Gee, that guy sure was nice"  
"Whatever… anyways, what are we going to do when we get to town?"  
"I guess we'll just worry about that –"Haruko looked over her shoulder to see that Zapf was no longer behind her.   
  
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Haruko: what the hell? Where did Zapf go?!?  
Zapf: *peeks his head into the room* you'll just have to wait for the next episode *runs out*  
Haruko: okay… that was weird….  
  
Well? Whadja think? Please R&R 


End file.
